Arrogance VS Confidence

 It is important to be shown a mirror from time to time. It is a reality check to evaluate the discrepancies between the way you see yourself versus the way others perceive you.

I had such a mirror moment a few weeks ago, when at a dinner with about 12 friends, one of them called me arrogant. It was in a half jokingly context, but I could sense it was more than just a joke. More like a long held tension which found its release within a joke, so as to soften the blow.

At first, the ego was like "How dare you calling me arrogant!" and felt like being backstabbed by a good friend. I later went home and even looked up the definitions of "arrogant" and "confident".

arrogant: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.

confident: feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

A main aspect of being arrogant, is the inability to learn (to be taught), because the arrogant person thinks he already knows everything there is to know. This is also the main point where I just can't see myself fitting in the definition. My attitude is always, "what I don't know, I believe I can learn". This goes from welding, building a motorcycle, DIY jobs at home (grouting and fixing broken appliances for example), writing, developing skills for my business, right up to learning how to meditate. 

That being said, I don't deny that I can be pretty opinionated at times, and I believe that's where confidence can turn into arrogance. Especially when it comes to spirituality. Having studied and explored the subject for over 20 years, gave me on one hand a fair amount of in-depth knowledge and a broad framework about this subject. On the other hand, this knowledge generated a more nasty side effect: spiritual pride or arrogance. 

I found it difficult in the past to debate with people, whose only arguments were "God doesn't exist (because I don't believe in it)", or "Religion is all BS, therefore any notion of a Higher Power must be BS too". This is where my spiritual arrogance would show its sharp teeth and lash out. Did it help produce any positive change? Of course not.

Back to the issue. After the "backstabbing", I mulled it over for a few days, not by letting the hurt ego plot his revenge, but by letting the observer take the reins...or the non-reins. The observer took a good, dispassionate look at the situation and thus a new insight was born. 

It became clear to me that the arrogance was produced by the nasty habit of being judgmental. Judgments imparted from the high throne of knowledge were dispensed freely, whether one wanted it or not. Once the problem had been identified, the solution came just as quick: compassion.

Compassion is the antidote to the poison that is inappropriate judgment.

In terms of Spiral Dynamics, this represents a major breakthrough for me, ending a 20 years long journey through stage yellow and starting a new adventure at stage turquoise. Generally speaking, a move from the mind to the heart.

Once again, life has proven to be the perfect Guru, materializing as a friend who spoke one word at just the right time. A word that became a catalyst for a much bigger reaction and transformation. 
In that sense, it wasn't a backstabbing at all. It was a stab in the heart, delivered with chirurgical precision that opened the floodgate. And for that, I can't but be grateful to my friend who was the perfect instrument of the Cosmic Consciousness.