The Perihelion Experience

Everything is connected and everything happens for a reason, they say. The occurrences leading up to the moment that would radically change my life could certainly prove this saying.

Shortly after my 21st birthday and just before my first year at university, I went on a short holiday to Amsterdam with my best friend Simon (not his real name). During those days, Simon and I enjoyed smoking but we were generally curious about the mysterious world of psychotropic substances. On the third night we bought some mushrooms from a stall in the center of Amsterdam and went back to our room. I was a bit afraid but mostly excited to experience what until that point I had only read in the books of Aldous Huxley and Carlos Castaneda.

Simon and I took exactly the same type of mushrooms and quantity. It took about 30-40 minutes for the psilocybin to start working and I found the changes very interesting. The first noticeable change was in the perception of my surrounding: the wallpaper design started moving and had its own glow. It became impossible to tell the time, even after staring at our clock for (what seemed to be) a long time. As I was sitting cross legged on a sofa with a blanket wrapped around me, my body felt warm and mellow. I felt safe and in wonderous expectation. Simon's Cosmic Afro music was playing in the background.

 

I had my eyes closed and was experiencing some mild visions I can no longer recall. I distinctly remember though, that something started to pull my awareness downwards to somewhere dark inside me, which was quite different from the careless lightshow I was enjoying up to that point. It felt serious and important.

There was a moment of balance between the pulling and my resistance to it. Somehow I knew that to enjoy the full ride I had to pay the ticket, and the price for the ticket was complete surrender. Letting go of any expectations and fear of the unknown was the only way to move forward. This was no small feat, mind you. Complete surrender implied letting go of your past and all the guilt and pain accumulated up to that point. It also meant detachment from all future plans I had. But complete surrender demands even more than that. I had to let go of everything that defined me as “me”, my personality, my ego. 

I see this surrender to be little different from actual dying. The moment you realize that death is imminent and unavoidable, is the moment you stand naked before the universe. No more hiding, no more games, no more deception. The only way is through the fear and forward.

 

Once I consciously took this decision, the ride unfolded in front of me in all its majestic glory. At that point I knew I had taken the right decision and fully trusted whatever it was that kept moving me.

After a while (who knows how long), I started feeling an energy build-up at the base of my spine, pulsating and expanding. It then grew in intensity and rose up through my stomach and chest. As it did so, the feeling of joy and ecstasy grew more and more. Then it arrived at the throat. There was a last bit of resistance, because I was slightly worried about choking from the pressure of this massive pulsating pillar of energy that was very intense at this point. Again, I decided to let (it) go and trusted the process. Before I knew it, the energy passed my throat and erupted through my head in an explosion of white light. 

 

What came next is very difficult to put into words. One way to explain it is this…Imagine walking around in a dark room. The only source of light is a candle you're holding. The light is only strong enough to illuminate about a meter or so around you, and that makes walking a slow and tentative process. Beyond that circle of faint light there is absolute darkness. Now imagine switching on a light so strong to illuminate EVERYTHING. What you thought was a room, was in reality no room at all. You can now see up to the distant "horizon", 360 degrees! You see and you immediately understand. Questions are being answered without being asked and everything becomes clear. Similarly to the complete surrender and loss of fear of death, this too helped to lose all uncertainty in regards to my place in the universe and gain trust in the workings of the universe itself. It was almost like being connected to a supercomputer and downloading an immense amount of data. I don't have direct access to all that data now, but what I managed to retain helped me a great deal to understand the purpose and goal of the human quest in general, and my own journey in particular.

 

That was the moment when I felt I had truly awoken from a dream. What I've experienced there felt more real than anything in my whole life. It was pure physical, mental and spiritual ecstasy and bliss. I had tears in my eyes, my heart was exploding with love. I felt an immense gratitude for being blessed that way.

 

I considered myself atheist up to that point, but that was the day I could no longer deny the existence of a higher, benevolent power. It has truly and deeply changed the way I look at life, and the waves generated that day are still carrying me forward today, 24 years later.

From my personal experience, psychedelic substances can work for some and won't for others. It depends on the time, place and if you are willing to pay the ticket, but above all, it is the Divine Grace that determines if you’re ready or not.

 

I don't advocate taking these substances without the necessary precautions. There are many other ways to Perihelion: meditation, breathing exercises, trance dance/music etc. It may take longer but once you reach a new level, you'll stay on that level, unlike with these substances where you'll reach a high level but have to come back down. Furthermore, jumping to such a high level in a short time can be very confusing and could affect you negatively. If you do it, do it with judgement and respect.

 

After this experience I've spent many years trying to make sense of what I had experienced. I've studied all major religions, philosophies and shamanism, sociology, psychology, astrology, spirituality, neuroscience and metaphysical sciences and much much more. They all provided pieces of the divine puzzle for which I was already given the template for. I just had to fill in the blanks and connect the dots.

With my background as an atheist, my mystical experience was not colored with religious associations. There were no visions of angels and the concepts of sin, salvation or redemption never entered my consciousness. 

This experience should not be confused with enlightenment. I had a short yet deep glimpse of what it means being enlightened, maybe. Abraham Maslow calls it a "peak experience". Another fitting term would be “spontaneous awakening”. It was like taking a fast lift to the loft on the 50th floor instead of walking up step by step, floor by floor. It didn't last though. The journey is still traveled by walking, but I feel I have an extra spring in my step. Was it cheating? Was it earned? Was it deserved? I think everything happens for a reason. What happened was no coincidence, it was synchronicity. It was a gift for which I'm grateful every day of my life.