Transitioning from Yellow to Turquoise

 Time for a recap.

23 years ago I was propelled from Green to the end of the color palette (Pure White?) through the life-changing experience of a kundalini awakening. The first months after this revelation were a buzz, with energy splashing out of every pore, grand ideas forming and connecting to other grand visions of reality. The very core of my belief system was shattered and had to be rebuilt, incorporating this new knowledge.

Through the next 20 years, my main goal was to learn as much as I could about the human condition, in all of its aspects. I studied (in various depth) philosophy, psychology, ancient mythology, history, astrology and astronomy, a wide array of religions and belief systems, politics, mysticism, entheology, about every aspect concerning spirituality, art, music/sound and much more. I devoured all kinds of books.

All of this with the intent of gaining a more comprehensive understanding of life and of integrating my kundalini experience within this system. A perfect example would be what Herman Hesse described in his masterpiece "The Glass Bead Game": The Glass Bead Game, final novel by Hermann Hesse, published in two volumes in 1943 in German as Das Glasperlenspiel and sometimes translated as Magister Ludi. The book is an intricate bildungsroman about humanity's eternal quest for enlightenment and for synthesis of the intellectual and the active life. source

A few years ago an urge started to well up inside me. I felt it as a need to share my experience and the knowledge I had gained from it. Someone had started a new topic on a popular forum here in Thailand. The topic was "Do you believe in God and why?" All sorts of people with all kinds of belief systems commented on it and I became one of the main contributors right from the start. The thread lasted about 2 and a half years and became the longest thread in the forum's history.

For me, it was a great opportunity to summarize all that I had learned and put it into words, confronting the never-ending attacks by the very vocal materialists/atheists, as well as distancing myself from the more dogmatic religious camp. In fact, most people couldn't quite place me, as I was both on the side of science (within its competency), as well as on the side of mysticism (devoid of dogma). 

After about 2 years of this, new posters started to ask the very same questions that had already been answered a number of times. The futility of it all became apparent. I wasn't going to become a new Sisyphus, running in circles, answering the same questions over and over again. A realization grew stronger and stronger within me. Endless discussions will not bring me or anyone else one step closer to the Truth. Only direct experience will. While I was repeating this on the forum quite vehemently, I had to look at myself. What am I doing? I'm preaching for direct experience, yet I'm not doing anything myself. These are just empty words. I'm just feeding off on an experience I had 20 years ago. What about now? What am I doing to become a perfect vessel for Spirit?

That's when I started practicing Kriya Yoga according to the teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda, and it's been my daily practice for the past 2.5 years. More than anything else, this practice helped me in this transition.

This also reconnects very neatly with what I wrote in "Arrogance VS Confidence". Richard Bach described this situation in his much beloved book "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". Part One of the book finds young Jonathan Livingston frustrated with the meaningless materialism, conformity, and limitations of the seagull life. He is seized with a passion for flight of all kinds, and his soul soars as he experiments with exhilarating challenges of daring aerial feats. Eventually, his lack of conformity to the limited seagull life leads him into conflict with his flock, and they turn their backs on him, casting him out of their society and exiling him. Not deterred by this, Jonathan continues his efforts to reach higher and higher flight goals, finding he is often successful. source

My efforts in bringing a wider understanding of life to my friends, was met with condescension and derision, and when rational arguments could not be answered, anger and passive aggressive responses.

This represents for me the turning point of stage Yellow and the intense 2-3 years described here were the transitioning phase to the next stage: Turquoise.
What this means, is the end of the studying time. Truth is no longer expected to shine through books, but through practice. The need to bring others to the light is recognized as futile and really just a mirror for my own thirst of light. It is the beginning of a new era. A more solitary one perhaps, but one that is true to itself, where authenticity is the main goal. 

From the outside I may appear even more self absorbed than I already did, more introverted and distant. In reality though, I feel quite the opposite. Yes, I don't enjoy going out with my circle of friends like I used to. When I do, I strictly avoid conversations that touch the subjects of God, religion and spirituality and only engage in inconsequential topics such as food, motorcycles and the like. In seagull terms, the flock exiled me, or rather my beliefs. This was necessary though, for me to understand that I was fighting a battle that couldn't be won. A battle that was not for me to be fought. Each and every person has their own private, interior battle, and nobody can fight it for them. 

The inner change affected the outside behavior and gave me more focus and clarity. It also rekindled my passion for art (see "My take on Spiral Dynamics", where I tried to illustrate the color stages of SD).

Now, taking my first steps into Turquoise, the world seems to have acquired a new depth and a new quality. I feel more relaxed and accepting of what is. Although I prefer my solitude, I don't choose to be alone out of resentment, but out of a quiet acceptance that this is what I need right now. It is an exciting time and I'm looking forward to see what comes next. 

One of the signs of Turquoise is that the individual has the need to find like-minded people and form a community or bond with this group. In a similar way to the Purple stage, but on a much wider scale. I did find some groups on Facebook (one is called "Turquoise and Coral Hangout Space"), but I don't yet feel completely at ease in groups. Maybe this will change.

I don't remember where I heard or read it, but I think this quote summarizes the Yellow to Turquoise transition perfectly: Spirituality is the journey from the head (mind) to the heart.