Journeying

 Today I'd like to talk about the spiritual journey, as I see it and experience it.

My journey kickstarted 25 years ago at the age of 23. I've told the story in a previous blog post.
The kundalini awakening was such a transformational experience that it has deeply influenced every facet of my life. Of course, the journey didn't really start there, it just became obvious on a conscious level. The universe punched me in the face and held up a cosmic mirror so that I could see what I truly look like.

The subsequent 25 years were more or less consciously directed towards the understanding and integration of that powerful event. For a very long time, I was chasing the experience itself, only to be disappointed again and again. Not understanding that it was the chasing and the expectation of what communion with All-There-Is is supposed to look and feel like, that kept me from it in the first place. It's the old metaphor of the monkey with his hand in a glass jar full of nuts. As long as the monkey holds on to the nuts in his fist, he's unable to free his hand from the jar and he's therefore trapped. The only solution is to let go of the nuts and remove his hand. Or, similarly, a man who tries to drink water from a pond with his fist clenched. He will not be able to soothe his thirst, unless he can open the palm of his hand and scoop up the water.

This is where I'm at right now on the journey. I still read (Seth), I still watch videos on YouTube (Swami Sarvapriyananda), I still enjoy conversations about life with friends. Intellectual curiosity is very important of course, but what truly counts is regular practice. My practice started 4 years ago in 2019 and it consists in a morning meditation based on Kriya Yoga. Further in detail, the practice consists of an initial Pranayama technique (breath work) to expel tension and a prayer to God as a personification of non-duality. This part is associated with feelings of trust, love, surrender protection and devotion. This follows a prayer to the great teachers of the Kriya Yoga lineage and since I also follow Advaita Vedanta, I give my gratitude to Ramana Maharshi. The rest of the meditation consists in reciting the mantra HONG-SO, where I breathe in on the "HONG" and exhale on the "SO". 

Whenever I do this, the mind becomes clearer and the ego subsides. But while the ego subsides, something else becomes stronger. There is no doubt that that "something" is indeed what I really am. Looking at the ego/personality as an object, the self is revealed. The original observer is what starts to shine through, like the sun behind clouds. 
At first, this insight and realization builds up slowly, almost imperceptibly. The changes however are subtle but constant. They are like drops slowly dripping down one by one into a bowl. It takes time, but soon the bowl is full and starts overflowing. All the while I learn to open the faucet more and more, so that more water can flow through.
I look at my morning meditation like this bowl. It must be empty before it can be filled. With the grace of the Divine, I surrender to be filled by its light. 

This light, this lightness of being increasingly becomes the new ground on which all other reality is constructed. It doesn't just vanish from the mind once I exit the meditation room. Like the water in the bowl, the light spills out in all other parts of my life. I smile more, I'm more open to others, generally more aware. It feels like looking at the world with new, bigger eyes. 

Recently, the mantra below is capturing my full attention. I listen to it for hours while working or cooking or before falling asleep. I learned the words so that I can sing along, and I often catch myself singing it in my head while doing something else. In fact, I'm listening to it right at this moment. (There is a video at the bottom of the post.)

There are several translations, but I like this one the best:

What is visible is the infinite. What is invisible is also the infinite. Out of the Infinite Being the finite has come, yet being infinite, only infinite remains. Peace in my heart, peace with each other, peace in the cosmos.